Learning to drive stick. Demanding a raise. Getting up and dancing at a wedding instead of sitting at the table alone like a huge loser. No one is going to make you do these things. But you'd better make yourself do them when the opportunity arises — because you'll regret it later if you don't.
Big choices steer the paths of our lives, but it's the little choices that determine if they'll be lives that we can be proud of. We polled AskMen readers, contributors and staff about the tough things that they opted to do, even when it would have been easy to not do them.
If you do these 100 things when confronted with them, you'll be able to walk tall into your old age, your self-respect forever secured. If you shy away from them you will shrink into a teeny, feeble little mouse of a man. The old ladies in the retirement home will pity you and the old men will scoff at you. Consider yourself warned!
Here are the 100 tough things all men must do.
1. Tell your buddy his girlfriend is not "The One."
2. Hang out alone with your father-In-Law, instead of hiding behind your wife.
3. Do not go home with the 'other' woman.
-Matthew Plunkett (AskMen Reader)
4. Make the toast. The table is demanding it; don't just stare at your chicken and wait for them to forget.
5. Shotgun a beer. Enough said. (Seriously. Go get one right now).
6. Learn how to ask for exactly what you want.
Learn how to ask for a haircut — or anything, for that matter. Too many good men get caught up in routines they're afraid to break because they don't know how to ask for what they want.
-Rick (AskMen Reader)
7. Go to an event alone and leave your smartphone at home.
Force yourself to talk to new people. Think a little less about showing everyone on Instagram that you're having a good time and actually have a good time.
8. Ask your girlfriend's father permission to marry.
When discussing said venture with friends, consensus towards the act’s necessity was split. “It’s 2012,” a few argued. “It’s an outmoded load of nonsense. I simply informed her old man after I’d done it.” As you often should, I ignored my friends. I like chivalry and tradition. And I’m also faintly petrified of my future father-in-law and have spent the past four years increasingly pining for his approval. So off we went for a quiet pint after work, me full of more inane small talk than usual and him quietly enjoying my sweaty-palmed terror. After a round of football natter, in I went. The response? An inquiry as to the nature of the Three Year Plan I was employing to improve my “situation” and an anecdote about how his best friend had initially rejected his daughter’s boyfriend’s request and forced the errant suitor to retrain as a lawyer in order to gain approval.
Eventually noting my suddenly ashen pallor, he said. “Oh, of course you have my permission. The family seem to like you, after all.” A back-handed compliment, but I took it.
-Charlie Parrish (AskMen UK Editor)
9. Participate in a group sport that you suck at.
10. Call a sick friend.
You hear that a friend has a serious illness. The last thing you want to do is call him. That’s understandable: You’re busy and you have problems yourself. You don’t want to expend stress on a painful call. Anyway, what's there to say to him? If he’s terminally ill, how can you cheer him up? Even if he’s got a chance, you might end up blurting out the wrong thing.
But you have to call, or at least email. Even if he doesn’t reply because he can’t face the conversation, it will still cheer him up to know you're there for him. If he does reply, let him talk. Ask him how he’s doing, offer to do something — buy him a drink, walk his dog — but mostly just listen. Perhaps he doesn’t want to talk about his illness. He might have done enough of that already. Maybe he wants to talk about girls or good times you’ve had together. Let him guide you.
If he doesn't want a heavy conversation, then don’t start to emote; let him emote if he wants to but don’t make him deal with your feelings. Your only job is to be his friend.
-Simon Kuper (AskMen Contributor)
11. Sing karaoke solo.
Of course you have a sh*t voice — isn't that the point?
12. Start and finish a race that may actually kill you.
We're not talking Hunger Games here... but maybe try a Tough Mudder.
13. Look them in the eye.
Nobody remembers the shoegazer.
14. Buck up and go talk to the girl that everyone's looking at.
15. Just jump already.
A group of your friends are on vacation in Hawaii. After hiking all morning along the coastal cliffs, you come to a breathtaking waterfall. You're all standing at the edge, watching locals jump down to the clear blue swimming hole below. It's paradise. It's also a pretty far drop. Now is the time to tell your responsible internal monologue to keep quiet. Just jump. Don't be the guy standing at the edge, nervously eyeing the drop while your friends tread water and taunt you from below. Be one of the first guys in. You'll experience a split second of fear followed by pure, rare euphoria.
-Kathryn Jezer-Morton (AskMen Editor)
16. Stand up for the little guy.
Stand up for something or someone when everyone else in the room is silent.
-Ellison Jusino (AskMen Reader)
17. Kick that terrible friend to the curb.
You know the guy we're talking about. He's not doing you any good. Time to say Adios.
18. Have your Hangover night.
19. Learn how to catch and gut a fish.
Your dad's not going to do it for you anymore. Stop being a girl.
20. Never, ever break a promise.
-Abner Steele (AskMen Reader)
21. Send a woman a drink from across the bar.
You've told people you've done it. You've actually never done it. Time to do it.
22. Jump a turnstile.
Really: What's the worst that's going to happen?
23. Dress like a big boy.
For better or for worse, it's a judgmental world we live in. Impressions are important, especially first impressions. At 19, it might be showing a girl in your 8 a.m. lecture that you're more than sweatpants and a hoodie. In the workplace, it's communicating to your bosses that you're ready to play with — and dress like — the big boys.
- Eli Epstein (AskMen Contributor)
24. Choose "Dare" instead of "Truth."
25. Eat At A Restaurant Alone.
26. Dance at a wedding.
27. Bribe the bouncer.
There's not a single woman who wants to wait in line, so bring enough bills to close the deal.
28. When you say it's in the vault, keep it in the vault.
People will ask you about it. Be a man of your word.
29. Be brutally honest.
As a labor lawyer, I am utterly amazed at the number of men who cannot face another man and have a frank conversation about the other person's shortcomings. I have lost count of the number of times I have had CEOs, managers, business owners, etc. call me looking to terminate an employee who they've been dissatisfied with forever but have never told what they need to do to improve. I see it in my own profession, as well. My vote for Tough Things is: Be honest with someone, even when you know it may hurt; I don't mean angry honest. I mean sincere, sensitive honest. In my view, you owe it to the person and most actually appreciate it.
-David Swayze (AskMen Reader)
30. Demand a higher salary.
When you're starting a new job, don't just accept the first salary offer. They won't respect you as much if you do. Don't be antagonistic, but know that if they're offering you a job, it means they want you. Due to budget demands, they will try to lowball your salary, but they almost always have some wiggle room. Do the dance and find out how much room there really is.
-James Fell (AskMen Contributor)
31. Don't cheat on her.
Being faithful to your wife for years and years is very tough for men.
-Mark Gurfinkel (AskMen Reader)
32. Pull a Ferris Bueller.
You may not have a Ferrari, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve a day off.
33. Unfriend Your Ex.
She's not coming back. You won't be able to perv over her pics anymore, but you'll send her the right message.
34. Say "I'm sorry."
"You may feel a slight sting. That's pride f**king with you. F**k pride. Pride only hurts. It never helps."
35. Take away a friend's keys.
36. Secure your legacy.
There is no experience like starting a family. The main supporter financially. Being the protector and keeper. Changing diapers and loving a woman, and ready to protect them without hesitation.
-Christopher Miller (AskMen Reader)
37. Have that weird conversation where you tell your parents you appreciate them.
38. Show up for visiting hours.
There’s nothing fun or glamorous about bodily fluids and patient gowns. It’s not easy to show up on a regular basis and hold one-sided conversations filled with cheerful platitudes when you have a hard time recognizing the person in front of you. It’s not easy to deal with bedpans and sponge baths and making sure the person takes their medicine on time and doesn’t somehow find himself on the neighbor’s lawn in a bathrobe in the dead of winter.
It’s not easy to watch somebody waste away, especially when a full recovery is not in the cards.
But you need to be there. Trust me on this one. Even if you have nothing to say, your presence matters. We never know how much time we have. In the long run, you will rest easier for having been there.
-Emma McKay (Managing Editor, AskMen)
39. Blow off your girlfriend to hang out with your friends.
40. Blow off your friends to hang out with your girlfriend.
41. Open a beer without a bottle opener.
Yep, you may have to use your teeth.
42. Cook for an entire dinner party. Don't outsource.
Being able to cook for yourself is a given. Cooking for yourself and a woman is a useful skill. But cooking for a crowd, and making it look easy (or at least not making a big show of how hard it was), is the mark of a skillful man. Everyone notices this skill. No one fails to appreciate it. The food doesn’t even need to be elaborate, but it does have to be delicious.-Kathryn Jezer-Morton (AskMen Editor)
43. No condom = no sex.
We told you these were going to be tough things.
44. Fire a gun.
Just not at another person.
45. Cut in on a dance.
46. Take control in a bad situation.
Channel your inner John McClane.
47. Fall in love.
-Sha Stephens (AskMen Reader)
48. Play to win.
Every week I play squash with a friend. Every week he kicks my ass in four games out of five. It could easily be five games out of five, because around halfway into my third straight loss I usually start deflating. It occurs to me that I could spare myself further pain if I just detach myself from the game a bit, become less emotionally involved, and just let him finish steamrolling me. But then it occurs to me that he's getting tired too, that the numbers have to shift in my favor, and that those rare victories are what motivate me to come back next week. And then I win that last game. And then I can talk all kinds of trash, which he hates.-James Bassil (AskMen Publisher)
49. Be a mentor.
50. Get over being dumped with dignity.
51. Say yes to a spontaneous road trip.
Everyone else had things to do this weekend too. Just get in the car.
52. Punch the bully in the nose.
I have more than a few regrets in my life, but my greatest is not punching Ricky Sharkey right in his stupid face in the fifth grade. Those were what I refer to as my G.I. Joe years — days that should’ve been spent in the hazy glow of Robotech cartoons were instead spent ever-vigilant, darty-eyed and fearful of an unsolicited beatdown in gym class.
Sharkey was new in town, and, like fresh meat walking into San Quentin, he decided to make his mark: Without warning or instigation, he beat the crap out of the school tough guy. It was a pretty ballsy move and instantly moved him up the class hierarchy. Soon, for reasons unknown, Sharkey turned his aggression toward me. And instead of standing up for myself and taking a swing, I avoided him at all costs, which resulted in my Grammar School Swagger stock plummeting like the Nikkei after the Tohoku earthquake.
Truth be told, I was a fairly tough kid. I could, and did, take many violent beatings. But for some reason I had an overwhelming fear that fighting Sharkey would result in me ending up in traction. This was, of course, ridiculous — kids, and most definitely teachers, would have stepped in long before any serious damage was done. So what did I have to lose? Why didn't I just punch him straight in his stupid face and absorb the inevitable beatdown? I hate to say it, but there’s no pleasant word for cowardice.
If I met fifth-grade me, I’d start off by lecturing Robotech Nick on the importance of patience and the Tao of pacifism. But I’d also make it crystal clear that if any bully makes your life a living hell, sooner or later you’re going to have to deal with it. And if you find yourself the victim of some dumb oaf’s pimpled scorn, then, god damn it, just punch him right in the nose. Even as you get cracked in the ribs, you’ll feel better for it.
-Nicolas Stecher (AskMen Contributor)
53. Sit at the high-Roller table.
Because no one ever brought an unbelievable story back from the $5-dollar table.
54. Be a pinch-Hitter patriarch.
Take care of the family after the passing of the head of the household.
-Leon Diouf (AskMen Reader)
55. Don't turn your future girlfriend into a one-Night stand.
So picture this: You meet a girl, you go out, have a great time, she’s different than the others, she gets your jokes, you both think The Wire is the greatest show in TV history, she’s stylish and funny and smart and, well, everything. It’s all going so well that she makes an error in judgment and lets you sleep with her for some reason. You genuinely like her and there is an intense chemistry. She gives you her number and tells you to call her. You plan to do just that.
But then you start thinking that this might lead to a relationship. The horror! Surely a guy like you can’t be tied down. You want to keep crushing tail every weekend, right, bro? Why stop now at the rate you’re going? Well, stop that kind of thinking right now. Just call her. It could be the best thing that ever happened to you. And if it isn’t, then you can get back out there. Don’t let your penis mess up what could be a good relationship.
-Ben Kriz (AskMen Editor)
56. Take the heat.
This is a tough one because you have to go out of your way to take the blame for someone else. That and getting a reaming is never fun. Why take the heat for someone else? Maybe they don’t deserve the blame. Maybe they can’t take another strike against them. Maybe they’re not tough enough to take it. But you are — and that’s the point. It doesn’t matter if it’s a colleague who’s been overworked and made a stupid mistake or a buddy who needs some help fixing things with his girlfriend — sometimes you have to get in front of them and take that bullet. -Chris Aung-Thwin (AskMen Editor)
57. Work, no matter what.
When the first layoffs hit Athens after the recession, we lost the luxury of treating work was as a choice or as a short-term step toward a life-fulfilling goal. The concept of a "labor of love" vanished. Work became survival.
In order to make ends meet, I had to chase after a dozen jobs that had nothing to do with my profession. But by picking up some labor gigs rather than asking for a loan, I was able to keep myself afloat independently. Working, no matter what, can be hard and nerve-racking, but it motivates you to focus on your real career goal. And you have to keep on paying the rent and eating food if you're going to keep on dreaming.
-Loukas Mexis (AskMen Contributor)
58. Give a eulogy.
-Kurt Buddelmeyer (AskMen Reader)
59. Order the extra-Spicy — not the medium spicy.
The medium-spicy is for the gringo. Don't be the gringo.
60. Share your real fantasies with her.
Well, maybe not that one.
61. Keep your annual checkup annual.
62. Know when your pursuit is getting creepy.
Accept that if a girl doesn't like you or you aren't getting good vibes back from her, it's better to leave it alone.-Ellison Jusino (AskMen Reader)
63. Build the fire from Castaway...
Tom Hanks didn't have any matches. Why should you?
64. ...then pitch the tent.
Tom Hanks didn't have a tent.
65. Approach your professor like an adult.
This is one of the first adult relationships you'll experience in your life, and if you're mature enough, your professor can be more like a colleague than a teacher. You're not in high school anymore, and it's important to understand that your instructor is not there just to send you to detention or to prepare you for a state test — your professor is a scholar, and so are you. You're both adults.
Your personal connection with a professor will provide training for your future relationships with bosses and coworkers, and will serve as a counterpoint to the isolated dorm lifestyle you've grown accustomed to. Most importantly, you'll develop a solid contact who can guide you toward a career and write recommendations that say more than "John fulfilled the requirements of my course and earned a B."
-Gemma Horowitz (AskMen Editor)
66. Hunt your own meal.
67. Throw her a surprise party.
You will have to call her friends. Even her crazy friend.
68. Pull your weight with the kid.
Every man should raise a child. It's one of the toughest things you can do. There will be bodily fluids (and solids) on your skin, your clothes, your car, your home and anywhere else you take the little destructive force. You will not get enough sleep. Your social schedule may not survive the early years. Your relationship with your spouse/significant other will be strained and require major adjustment. You may go gray or lose your luscious locks, and all that sleep deprivation isn't going to help your looks. But the sacrifices required to raise a child will refine your character in ways nothing else can, and it's more than worth it in the end.
-Bryce Lowder (AskMen Reader)
69. Unhook a bra... with one hand.
Because your beer will be in the other hand.
70. Invest — financially — in something you believe in.
Put your money where your mouth is.
71. Be a good Samaritan.
Nobody likes a bad Samaritan.
72. Experience being debt-Free.
73. Pass on the cushy hotel — stay in a hostel.
The contemporary ego-stroke job told to modern men is that luxury matters. The days of Steve Madden shoes are history; invest in $700 brogues and make a statement. But sometimes cheaper really is better. Case in point: hostels.
I’ve learned that when traveling alone, hostels make much better places to lay your head than $400 hotels. Not only are modern hostels super-clean, safe and fully Wi-Fi friendly (for free!), but they’re also full of young single women looking for adventure. And that’s the best type of woman.
So, sure, you could spend your time in 1,000-thread-count sheets, flipping through the menu on the giant 60-inch HD flatscreen to find the best Lisa Ann flick to keep your lonely ass company that night. Or you could slum it up, drop $40 and spend the night getting to know an exotic location in the company of real, live human beings. Oh, and if all else fails the Wi-Fi will still be there waiting for you if you come home lonely and empty-handed…
-Nicolas Stecher (AskMen Contributor)
74. Take a trip alone.
Your buddy just canceled. You're going anyway.
75. Be in the delivery room for the birth.
76. Get in a fistfight.
Do this even if for no other reason than to really learn why fighting is rarely the answer.-Ian Lang (AskMen Contributor)
77. Cry.
78. For God's sake, don't cry.
79. DIY.
We’ve all been there: the faucet refuses to quit dripping, the toilet isn’t flushing and those newfangled lights can't install themselves. You could take the easy way out and call your local plumber or electrician, or you could get down and dirty and break out those tools you’ve been admiring all these years. Yes, your cost-benefit analyses might make those odd hundred dollars seem to be a worthy replacement for hours of knuckle scraping and frustrated head scratching, but nothing can replace the satisfaction of a job well done. It’s easy to pick up the phone and find your repairman; it takes time and effort to get a good set of tools together and gain the knowledge required to use them. Even if the repair’s out of your league, take the time and ask the questions to learn a bit while you observe your trusty handyman do his thing. There’s nothing worse than being shown up by some young punk in coveralls, so the next time something goes on the fritz, say, “Honey, I got this.”
-Jeff St. Aubin (AskMen Editor)
80. Be on time.
81. Be a wingman.
82. Refuse to tip the bad waiter.
And explain why you didn't when he stops you at the door.
83. Break up like a man.
When it comes to relationships, few things scare guys as much as breaking up. Some men just don't like conflict while others have an innate fear of being the bad guy and causing pain to someone they care about. I fall into the latter category.
When I was 22 (I'm now 30), this fear, this aversion to causing pain, led me to stay in a relationship long after I'd realized that the woman I was with was not right for me. I stayed so long that we got mired deeply in each other's lives. Because I wasn't happy, I turned snarky and resentful, picking fights and looking for excuses to leave. I became emotionally distant, and, eventually, I forced my girlfriend into a situation where she had to break up with me for her own sanity. In a weird way, it allowed me to "escape" without being the bad guy, but in retrospect I realize that the extra six months we spent together didn't do either of us any good and probably prevented us from being friends down the line. If I had to do it over again, I would face the issue like a man and tell her that I just didn't see it working and that we'd learned a lot from one another but it was time to part.
-John Romaniello (AskMen Contributor)
84. Eat what you're served.
85. Drink what you're served.
86. Volunteer.
It doesn't matter where, but give time to others.-Kevin O'Donnell (AskMen Reader)
87. Defend your woman in public.
You will always carry the shame if you don't.
88. Make a new "man-Friend" as an adult.
And we're not talking about your wife's friend's husband.
89. Build something well.
A house, wagon, chair — anything of practical use. -Rick (AskMen Reader)
90. Tell your kid when you're proud.
91. Change your own tire.
AAA is for little old ladies.
92. Drive stick.
-Brian Chavez (AskMen Reader)
93. Stay in touch.
Men shouldn't be making excuses. And when it comes to this you're running out of them.
94. Put in your 10,000 hours.
If you're still not good, then you can stop.
95. Ask out "the one."
96. Quit your job.
Not because you're not earning enough, but because you're not satisfied. -Michael Kanuho-Brewer (AskMen Reader)
97. Admit that you're wrong.
98. Say no to sex with an ex.
Don't reheat the old pizza.
99. Be your own man.
We should not seek acceptance from others to validate our own identities. In high school, it was about fitting in; as a grown man, life is about being who you really want to be. When we become comfortable enough in our own skin, we stop trying to impress our friends, family and women. We become removed from the superficial and evolve into our own unique individual, our own man.
-Jeffrey Albus (AskMen Reader)
100. Learn to throw a spiral.